Crossing rivers to reach success

One does not cross a river without getting wet. (Zulu)

Dear Zayda,

Someone once said, “Whatever is worth doing, is worth doing badly.” If we want to stay dry, we might never leave one side of the bank for the other. However, getting wet is the price we pay for crossing the river. If we manage to cross the river and remain dry, whatever or whoever carries us across the river will get wet.

In life, as Jimmy Cliff points out in his song, there are many rivers to cross.

Every time we attempt something new, we risk getting wet. However, many of us want to play it safe, especially as we grow older. Mistakes are the price we pay for crossing rivers. Courage is the reward for learning that we can be dry again after we have reached the other side. If fear keeps us stuck on the river bank, we risk feeling unhappy in our lives. We live with regret that we did not allow ourselves to get wet so as to explore other sides of life.

Those who love us may think they are doing the best for us when they try to keep us dry. A parent might say to a child who wants to be a dancer, “Why don’t you become an attorney or a doctor instead, and dance as a hobby?” We need to be ready to defy well-meaning family and friends so as to cross rivers that beckon to us.

“Cornbread, Earl, and Me” is already a classic, and I am sure you will see this movie before long. Madge Sinclair plays the mother in the movie. She is an example of someone who was determined to keep going toward her goal, no matter the hardship. She was a Jamaican primary school teacher with the dream of becoming a movie star.

Few other Jamaicans had made it to Hollywood by then – that river seemed to broad, wide, and deep for someone like Madge to cross. She spoke with a Jamaican accent that she wanted to keep; she had no contacts in the business to open doors for her; she had no trust fund to keep her going while she tried to get acting jobs. As a Black woman, she had difficulty getting roles to match her talent. In addition, she was thirty years old when she started out in an industry that favors the young, white, and conventionally beautiful.

Madge had left a family behind in Jamaica – one of her sons was in the same class as one of my sons. So she must have been tempted many times to return to the side of the river that she knew best. She could have stayed safe as wife, mother, and teacher. But she chose to remain in New York even when food and money were short, and jobs were nowhere in sight. However, she was already in the water, already getting wet, so she continued to push for the side she was determined to reach.

If you watch re-runs of the Roots mini-series, and of Trapper John MD, you will see Madge. You will hear her voice in The Lion King. As far as possible, Madge kept her Jamaican flavor. For example, in Trapper John MD she plays the role of Jamaican nurse working in the USA, and periodically she bursts out in broad Jamaican.

Our dreams are always within reach, Zayda. We will get wet crossing rivers. We may even slip and feel as if the currents are taking us with them. We may need help to get across safely. But the other bank is always awaiting us. New horizons. A chance to fulfill dreams.

Blessings,

Your shangazi Nothango (Yvonne)

Families crossing life's rivers together

A distant relative can help you cross a river. (Ethiopia)

Dear Zayda,

I learned the value of extended family when I lived in Ghana. At first I wondered that one person could have so many sisters and brothers, uncles and aunts. I could understand Jacob whose father had eight wives and who had 56 brothers and sisters. Then later I found out that “brothers” and “sisters” could be distant relatives in the same age group. “Uncles” and “aunts” could be distant relatives who were elders. Sometimes, as in Jamaica, “uncles” and “aunts: were connected by friendship rather than blood.

In Ghana, relatives help each other. When I lived in Accra, I knew of no old people’s homes or children’s homes. A family would be ashamed to have strangers look after their loved ones. I grew up in a Jamaica where I do not recall seeing street people, let alone street children. Households always seemed to find space for another person, even if there was not a lot of money around.

We had a relative, Aunt Beth, who was my model of a family member with a loving heart. She adopted thirteen children whose parents left Jamaica to find better jobs. Aunt Beth’s adopted children saw her as their “real” mother, and she treated them all as if she had given birth to them. To everyone’s surprise, Aunt Beth became pregnant after 25 years of childless marriage.

Many Jamaicans used to take in children who might otherwise be unable to “cross a river”. A child would join a household to help with chores. In return the family would treat the child as a family member, and send the child to school. The down side with this system is seen today in Haiti with the “restavecs”. These are children who are sent to live in better-off households and are treated more like slaves.

In families, we need to be willing to give and receive help from each other. Problems arise when each person looks out for himself or herself only. Families break up when relatives treat each other like bank accounts where they withdraw but do not lodge. The focus becomes money rather than love. So younger relatives might value elders only because of what they may leave behind when they die.

When family members stop caring for each other, they may miss out on help in crossing life’s rivers. The young may need to know that others have crossed these rivers before, and survived. In addition, elders may miss the chance to help the young to see that life means more than money.

You will have many rivers to cross in this life, my grandniece. But there is never any reason for you to cross the rivers alone.

Blessings,

Your shangazi