The long road to honesty

Long road draw sweat, shortcut draw blood. (Grenada, Guyana, Jamaica, St Vincent)

Dear Zayda,

This was one of my grandmother’s favorite proverbs. I still think of this when I am tempted to take a short cut because it seems easy at the time. Getting into bad habits usually starts with trying to get somewhere without taking the effort we really need to get to that place.

For example, last year taking a shortcut looked like one way to keep my car on the road. My car is a 20-year old BMW that is now a classic. This car has been faithful to me. Besides, people are always stopping me on the streets to find out if I am willing to sell the car. Some say newer BMW models are not as good as this one. Whatever the reason, my car is like a magnet for BMW-lovers, and I have no immediate plans to part with it.

Last year, my car gave me a difficult choice. If I didn’t have a paper to prove the car was fit, the police could fine me and stop me from driving the car. To get the paper, one mechanic told me I had to pay a huge bill. Then someone else gave me a shortcut to keep the car on the road without paying the huge bill. I could cheat. That is, I could pay someone a fraction of the size of the bill, and that person would so something illegal. He would give me the paper that would convince the police the car was in order even though it was not.

Well, Zayda, it’s all right to be tempted, just so long as we don’t yield! So I saw my car parked in my garage when I needed it. And I saw myself having my car to use whenever I wanted. I saw a big expense to take the long road, and a small cost for taking the shortcut. And then I realized that the shortcut could indeed draw blood. In the first place, the rule that the car must be in good order is to protect me and others who use the road. I also realized that if I did something dishonest today, I could hardly refuse if people who cheated for me then asked me to do favors (and perhaps cheat) for them.

Besides, my grandmother’s words were as fresh in my head as if she was in the room with me. So I decided to fix the BMW so it would be fit enough to be on the road. I was not able to find the mechanic who had told me I would need to pay a lot of money to fix the car. So I checked with someone with a lot of experience. As a result, my car was fixed an amount of money I could afford - about one-third of what the first mechanic told me. So, the long road didn’t draw as much sweat as I feared it might, and I didn’t have to worry about the “blood” that the shortcut might have drawn.

This week, in Jamaica, a woman lost her job. It seems she may have just taken too many shortcuts. As a result, she is now branded as a thief even though she might not have started out intending to steal.

Shortcuts are often like being on a slope where the grass is smooth and slippery. So we may intend just to go down the shortcut just this once, then there are two times and three times. Gradually the habit forms, and we convince ourselves that shortcuts are the sensible person’s way of shortening the distance.

This woman now has not only lost her job. She has also lost her reputation. Others who should have known about the shortcuts have also lost their positions. Shortcuts can draw a lot of blood. And for a long time. It is possible that no one will want to give this woman (or people who were closest to her) a job again.

This is a matter of trust.

So, Zayda, you may need to remember to tell the truth even when it seems a lie would do. Or do your homework even when a friend may make it easy to copy her work and present it as your own. Like all of us, you will be tempted, and the choice – between the long road and the shortcut – will be yours.

Blessings,

Your shangazi

Independence means trusting yourself

His opinions are like water in the bottom of a canoe, going from side to side. (Efik)

Dear Zayda,

I imagine that you already have opinions of your own, deciding when you want to eat or when you have had enough to eat. Most of all, you probably have clear ideas on when you want to sleep and when you want to play. Babies are good at knowing what is on their minds. By the time we are grown up, however, many of us stop trusting out opinions. We may then change our mind depending on what the last person told us to do. This is when we go from side to side, confusing ourselves and others around us.

When I was a little girl, I learned this fable that was first told long long ago by Aesop who was an African.

An old farmer and his young son were taking their donkey to the market. The two of them walked along a path with the donkey beside them. They didn’t ride the donkey because they didn’t want the animal to get tired.

On their way, they met some people who laughed at them.

“You and your son are so foolish,” they said. “Why are you both walking when at least one of you could ride the donkey?”

The farmer thought those people were right, and he made his son ride the donkey. They went on a bit further and met a group of older persons.

“You are so foolish,” they said to the farmer. “How could you let your young son ride the donkey while you walk? Tell him to get down and let you ride instead.”

So the son got off the donkey and his father rode the animal. A little further along the path, they came across a group of women going to market.

“You are foolish and hard-hearted,” they said to the father. “How could you ride the donkey and leave your poor son to walk?”

The father then made his son ride behind him on the donkey. They had not traveled far when they met another group of people.

“You are cruel,” a man shouted at them. “How could you treat a dumb animal like that? Do you want to kill the poor donkey with all that weight?”

By this time, the market was close by, and the farmer wanted to get a good sale for the donkey. So he and his son decided to carry the donkey the rest of the way. They tied the donkey’s legs together and slung it from a pole that they hoisted on their shoulders.

When they reached the town, people laughed at the sight of these two men carrying a donkey.

“You are both so foolish,” the people said. “Don’t you know the donkey is supposed to carry you?”

The people laughed so hard that the donkey started to bray and kick. The rope that held him to the pole broke, and the donkey ran away. So the farmer and his son walked back home without the donkey and without the money from the sale of the donkey.

My grandniece, we can’t please all the people all the time. We can’t have opinions that go from side to side like water in the bottom of a canoe. We need to be open to changing our opinions, but not just because other people think differently. And we also need to know which views are not open to change because we hold them so deeply and for reasons that are important to us.

Blessings,

Your shangazi

For Zayda: Telling the whole truth

A fault confessed is half redressed. (South Africa)

Adinkra symbol of understanding and agreement

Dear Zayda,

Saying sorry is never going to be easy, but we can do best if we say sorry quickly and truthfully. The longer we wait is the more questions we are likely to need to answer. The more willing we are to answer questions, is the less people will think we still have something to hide. .

Last Monday night, Jamaica's Prime Minister Bruce Golding apologized after behaving for weeks as if he had nothing to apologize for. Up to Sunday night those closest to him said he had nothing to apologize for. I commend him for finally apologizing to the whole country on television, even if he was forced to change his mind. But that was just the job half done.

Let us suppose a girl, whom we shall call Betty, hid her school report from her parents because her grades were so poor. Her parents found out Betty lied when they called her teacher to ask when the report would arrive.

Betty could write her parents a letter of apology, confessing the fault. However, as part of redressing the fault, she needs to sit with her parents to clear up a lot of questions that go well beyond the hidden report. Betty’s answers to her parents’ questions might show many other problems that need to be solved. For example, Betty might need to move to the front of the class where she could see the board and hear the teacher better – perhaps she has sight or hearing problems and needs to see special doctors. Her brain might be showing her the letters of the alphabet the wrong way around, and so she will need help and patience. Perhaps Betty has difficulties with her teacher, or with her classmates. Perhaps something happened to Betty to cause her mind to drift away from schoolwork. She might be keeping a secret that is a burden on her mind.

If she doesn’t answer questions, her parent just have to guess what caused her to lie to them. They could most likely guess wrong, and Betty might lie again to hide her problems. Or next time around the cover up could be worse. In the meantime, Betty and her parents might continue to have problems trusting and understanding each other.

So Golding still needs to talk. He still needs to answer questions. Yesterday he had a chance to answer questions in Parliament, and he didn’t. People in Parliament could have questioned him the way you can’t question a face you are looking at on television. Often the way people answer questions can tell us if they are genuine or not.

Therefore, we are still waiting. A half-way apology is never enough to build back trust.

Blessings,

Your shangazi