Adding raindrops to the sea

Even the sea accepts raindrops. (Ghana)

Dear Zayda,

You are free to express yourself freely and then some more. People in Jamaica will call you “nuff” [too much to handle] and perhaps even “boasy” [boastful]. Others may even think of you as an “uppity” with the N-word added to it.

President Barack Obama gets labeled “uppity” because, as a Black man, he dared to think big. He dared to dream of being president of the most powerful country in the world, even though he was a Black man raised by a single mother. To get to be president means usually that you have to be rich, and Obama didn’t have the wealth of George Bush, for example. Definitely not the wealth of a John F. Kennedy. So Obama became inventive about fund raising. He built a community of funders among regular people who could send him ten or twenty dollars at a time. He thought big, and then some more. He could well have thought that being a candidate for the presidency was enough. He could have thought that winning the primaries was enough. But no, he believed in himself enough to think he and his family deserved to live in the White House.

Some of us think that he may be limiting himself these days. Sometimes he may seem like a turtle that wants to play it safe and not stick out its neck too far. He may need to realize that we are always on a journey, so we can’t just sit back and decide we have arrived and all is well. Just as there is always room for raindrops in the sea, so there is always room for another leaf on the tree.

Muhammad Ali was always over the top. His sea always had room for more raindrops. He knew he was the greatest boxer in the world, even before he won any titles. By seeing himself as the best, he won his fights even before he got into the boxing ring. He would predict exactly which round he would knock out an opponent, and he was usually right. He believed in himself more than anyone could possibly believe in him. People criticized him for chatting so much, and some called him “the Louisville Lip” as he came from Louisville, Kentucky. He silenced the critics by proving the truth of what he was saying. Ali became a boxing legend for boxing with brains as well as fists. He had 56 wins and only 5 losses in his career.

Ali did not believe in war, and so he refused to be in the United States army fighting the Vietnamese in their own country. He said, "No, I am not going 10,000 miles to help murder kill and burn other people to simply help continue the domination of white slavemasters over dark people the world over. This is the day and age when such evil injustice must come to an end."

He knew he could damage his boxing career by standing up for his beliefs, but he would not allow money and fame to limit him. He had challenged the sports system with his confidence as a boxing, and he challenged political system with his confidence as a Black man.

Ali identified with militants in the Black struggle for civil rights. He joined the Nation of Islam, even though he knew his views on race and religion could lose him support from boxing fans and therefore his career.

My grandniece, you can never be too much of yourself. There is always more to do and more to discover. People at the top are bound to slide down if they just sit there. If we stop dreaming (and dreaming big!) we stop living (when we could be living big!).

So live, Zayda, live fully and then some more!!


Blessings,

Your shangazi Nothango (Yvonne)

Knowing when to stop pushing

Pushing ends at the wall. (Sierra Leone)

Dear Zayda,

No matter how hard we push, we need to recognize when we hit a wall. We can go over, under, or around the wall. We can stop and think what we can do to break down the wall, or we can leave that wall for now with a plan to return when we are stronger or have more help. At the very least, we need to step back before the wall does us damage.

Many of us would like to be popular. However, pushing can create a wall between us and others. Then the harder we push is the more others pull away. If we appear too needy, others may push back at us, and we may feel even more crushed by this wall. We may also blame those who do not like us, thus making the wall even higher and wider.

If pushing makes us feel hurt and unhappy, we need to stop and think about where we are and where we want to go. For example, being popular is more about liking ourselves than about having others like us. If we have to push to start a friendship, we are likely to have to continue pushing to keep the friendship. However, if we are good friends with ourselves first, we are more likely to attract those whom we don’t need to push.

In a competitive world, pushing for a promotion at work seems like the only choice. A man named Don was good at his job, and so he was disappointed when Cynthia got the promotion he thought he deserved. He decided to do his best to push her out of the job, in the hope that he would replace her. He spread gossip about her, claiming that she was dishonest. Now, what people say about others is often true about themselves. After a couple of years, Don lost the job because he changed a company check and kept the money for himself.

Cynthia continued to face the wall of gossip that Don had started. So she resigned from her post when she felt life had more to offer than daily battles at work. When she left, someone else got the promotion as Don had wanted so badly.

We can push by improving ourselves, and by doing our best always. However, our best ideas can come to us when we are not pushing.

For example, Debbie may be working 16 hours every day to try to complete a project. However, the harder she works is the more tired her brain becomes. The long hours at the computer may cause Debbie's eyes and her back to ache. She may need to know when to stop pushing because she has reached a wall. Lying down in bed or going to the beach may seem irresponsible with so much work to do; however, the break is likely to help Debbie to find ways under, over, or around the wall. Fresh ideas will almost certainly come to her after a nap or a swim. She may relax with friends who, to her surprise, can provide her with answers that will shorten her work.

Balance is key to knowing when to push, and when to stop pushing. Balance and wisdom.

Blessings,

Your shangazi Nothango (Yvonne)

Setting sail on our own star

Don't set sail on someone else's star. (Swahili)

Dear Zayda,

Our star will guide us, if we let it. However, we sometimes allow other people’s stars to outshine ours. For example, we might follow the stars of those we want to please. We may ignore our own stars in an effort to win the approval of parents and teachers. Later we may follow the star of a spouse, employer, or even politician.

Moms and dads will have ideas on what they want their children to be. The usual choices are professions linked to status and money: law, medicine, accounting, or engineering. A spouse may need us to support his career; and children may claim our attention. Parents may need us close by so they feel more secure as they grow older. Following someone else’s star may seem safe or dutiful, but we can never set sail on that person’s star.

Althea was a teacher whose parents were also teachers. She seemed settled, with a husband, a child, and a job in one of the best high schools. But she yearned to be a model. She was very dark-skinned at a time when the more light-skinned models seemed to be in demand. She was already 28 years old – close to retirement age for models who usually start on the runways at about age 16. Althea struggled with remaining in a safe harbor, but her desire to find herself remained. So she set sail with just a glimmer of her own star to guide her. She entered a modeling competition with girls little more than half her age – and she won! Althea went on to a career in modeling that took her overseas. She even made the cover of Essence magazine.

Until recently, Juds worked in sales. She did well enough to support herself and her son, but she also knew she was treading water. With an uncertain economy, she was glad to have a job. Still, she wanted to do what gave her the greatest joy: cooking. When she got a chance to go to China to teach cooking for a year, she agreed right away. Sometimes, even when we can see and know our star, we are scared to leave port. Juds could have decided that China was too far away. She would need to adjust to people and places and tastes that were foreign to her. The Chinese would find her as unusual as she would find them, as Blacks are unknown (except for Usain Bolt) in many parts of China.

Juds is now in China, having the best experience of her life – except for when the Chinese insist on touching Juds’ locks for the hundredth time! She had to step away from all that is familiar to her, but that is the price we pay for setting sail and following our own star.

As we grow older, we may wonder why we are in a rut, why we feel so unfulfilled. We may have traveled far, but not yet reached our own destination. Fortunately, our own star is always waiting on us, and it is never too late (or too early) to set sail.

Blessings,

Your shangazi Nothango (Yvonne)

Power of love to overcome evil

Without retaliation, evils would one day become extinct from the world.
(Nigeria)

Dear Zayda,

Jamaica has more churches per square metre than any other country in the world. Jamaica also at the moment has the highest murder rate in the world. The link between number of churches and the murder rate may well be Jamaican’s love of the Law of Moses. “An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth” says that law.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye will soon make the whole world blind.” That belief in retaliation certainly keeps bad things happening in families, in communities, in nations, and in the world.

Gandhi wanted to free India, but he chose peace over violence. Britain then ruled India and occupied much of Africa and the Caribbean as well. But India was at the centre of Britain’s empire. India provided Britain with riches, power, and control over land and people. Britain also had a strong army, and the best navy in the world. Gandhi had little more than a desire to see the backs of the British, and to see Indians rule their own country. Yet Gandhi’s refusal to hit back led to the end of the British Empire not just in India, but in Africa and the Caribbean as well.

If we feel we have to do to someone what the evil have done to us, or worse, we give away our power. That other person is now ruling our life, and may later rule our children’s lives as well.

Today in Jamaica there are communities at war with each other. Often the reasons are not clear, just that someone from this side once injured or disrespected or disagreed with someone from the other side. The wars break up families and friends, and isolate people who have to avoid the war zones. Battles take place in which people lose their homes and sometimes their lives.

When the fighting wears down people enough, peace might come for a while. People wonder why they chose to fight when life is so much easier when they care for each other, and when they can walk freely on streets that used to be no man’s land. If the will to give up “an eye for an eye” is strong enough, the peace will last. Too often, however, the mistrust does not go away. A small incident – such as an argument in a bar - can start up the war again.

The desire for retaliation seems never far away, especially when it seems to have support from the Bible. Jesus said his teachings of love were to replace the Law of Moses. He told his followers to love their enemies and to do good to those who hurt them, but Jamaicans seem to prefer to follow the hate teachings of Moses.

Nelson Mandela had every reason to hate those who kept him in prison for 27 years. Like Gandhi, Mandela wanted to do what seemed impossible at the outset. He wanted to free a country where one group enjoyed life at the expense of another group. The white South Africans had all the power, and did all they could to ensure the Blacks had no power at all. They were shot down when they tried to march peacefully to resist unjust treatment., but later took up arms to defend themselves. Blacks tried to use Gandhi’s methods

Nonetheless, when Mandela walked out of prison as a free man, and white rule ended, Mandela insisted there should be no retaliation. He did not wish evil to continue under Black rule. He set an example by making peace with his own jailers, and with those who had mistreated Black people so badly and over so many years.

My grandniece, we will be tempted to hit back when others hit us, so as to give them a taste of their own medicine. Even as we do that, we need to realize we are giving away our power to those persons. The best we can do then is to re-take our power as soon as we can. We can step back for a while to think about what we want most of all.

Is our goal to hurt someone today and risk retaliation tomorrow? Is the loving thing to move away from that person (if we can)? Could we try to love ourselves so much the person’s words and actions cannot hurt us? Could we bring ourselves to understand that the other person is acting out of his own pain, and that his behavior has nothing to do with us personally? Could we re-focus on our goals rather than stay focused on the person’s conduct?

Taking the peaceful road is not easy, Zayda. It takes more courage than fighting back, and it certainly leaves us with less evil for even the new-born to deal with.

We can choose. So, like Gandhi and Mandela, let us choose to love and forgive.

Blessings,

Your shangazi Nothango (Yvonne)

Crossing rivers to reach success

One does not cross a river without getting wet. (Zulu)

Dear Zayda,

Someone once said, “Whatever is worth doing, is worth doing badly.” If we want to stay dry, we might never leave one side of the bank for the other. However, getting wet is the price we pay for crossing the river. If we manage to cross the river and remain dry, whatever or whoever carries us across the river will get wet.

In life, as Jimmy Cliff points out in his song, there are many rivers to cross.

Every time we attempt something new, we risk getting wet. However, many of us want to play it safe, especially as we grow older. Mistakes are the price we pay for crossing rivers. Courage is the reward for learning that we can be dry again after we have reached the other side. If fear keeps us stuck on the river bank, we risk feeling unhappy in our lives. We live with regret that we did not allow ourselves to get wet so as to explore other sides of life.

Those who love us may think they are doing the best for us when they try to keep us dry. A parent might say to a child who wants to be a dancer, “Why don’t you become an attorney or a doctor instead, and dance as a hobby?” We need to be ready to defy well-meaning family and friends so as to cross rivers that beckon to us.

“Cornbread, Earl, and Me” is already a classic, and I am sure you will see this movie before long. Madge Sinclair plays the mother in the movie. She is an example of someone who was determined to keep going toward her goal, no matter the hardship. She was a Jamaican primary school teacher with the dream of becoming a movie star.

Few other Jamaicans had made it to Hollywood by then – that river seemed to broad, wide, and deep for someone like Madge to cross. She spoke with a Jamaican accent that she wanted to keep; she had no contacts in the business to open doors for her; she had no trust fund to keep her going while she tried to get acting jobs. As a Black woman, she had difficulty getting roles to match her talent. In addition, she was thirty years old when she started out in an industry that favors the young, white, and conventionally beautiful.

Madge had left a family behind in Jamaica – one of her sons was in the same class as one of my sons. So she must have been tempted many times to return to the side of the river that she knew best. She could have stayed safe as wife, mother, and teacher. But she chose to remain in New York even when food and money were short, and jobs were nowhere in sight. However, she was already in the water, already getting wet, so she continued to push for the side she was determined to reach.

If you watch re-runs of the Roots mini-series, and of Trapper John MD, you will see Madge. You will hear her voice in The Lion King. As far as possible, Madge kept her Jamaican flavor. For example, in Trapper John MD she plays the role of Jamaican nurse working in the USA, and periodically she bursts out in broad Jamaican.

Our dreams are always within reach, Zayda. We will get wet crossing rivers. We may even slip and feel as if the currents are taking us with them. We may need help to get across safely. But the other bank is always awaiting us. New horizons. A chance to fulfill dreams.

Blessings,

Your shangazi Nothango (Yvonne)

Giving everyone credit for what they know

He who does not know one thing knows another. (Kenya)

Dear Zayda,

Even as a baby, you know things that others do not know and need to know. There is so much you do not yet know, but you are the expert on when you are hungry or soiled, when you need attention or just want to play.

Parents and teachers are wrong if they think children are empty vessels waiting to be filled. A child may not yet be able to do calculus, but the child knows mathematics long before reaching school. He knows that two sweets are more than one; she will know if she has fewer wooden blocks now than a moment ago.They both know the difference between a small ball and a large ball.

Children are born knowing a lot. The job of adults is to help them to be aware of what they may know by instinct or by childhood experience. Teaching a child can be easier if we help them make sense of what they already know. On the other hand, teaching can be a battle if we insist on filling the child with what we decide the child ought to know. The word “recognize” really means “to know again”. So we can assume a child already knows, but we are helping him to “know again”.

We, not our doctors, are the experts about our bodies. We do not need to have passed medical exams to know how our bodies function.

Zayda, our elders lived in deep rural villages where they reached doctors only in the most serious of cases. They had to learn how to be in harmony with nature and at peace with their bodies. Elders learned from their elders how to eat foods that helped them to be healthy. In contrast, today’s junk foods are linked to diseases. Our elders also knew which herbs and bushes to use to promote health. In contrast, today’s medications may help in one way, but have side effects that may harm the body. Our elders' connection with nature and with their inner spirit helped them relieve stress. They had limits on what they knew about health, but their knowledge survives today as “alternative medicine”.

Many assume that someone who has a doctorate knows more than someone who cannot read and write. However, that highly educated person is mistaken if she thinks the illiterate person knows nothing. Many who cannot read and write need to be extra sharp to survive. One grandmother hid her reading “disability” so well that her family knew about it only when she died and they saw she signed her will with an “X”. She had supervised homework, discussed world politics, sang her hymns, and had the longest memory of anyone in the family. She may not have known how to use a computer, but no one anywhere could match her sweet potato pudding with the custard on top.

We gain a lot, my grandniece, if we accept that each person knows things we do not or cannot know. We need always to respect others for what they know and can teach us.

Blessings,

Your shangazi Nothango (Yvonne)

Keeping ladders in place

Kick away the ladder and your feet are left dangling. (Malawi)


Dear Zayda,

We are never alone unless we choose to be. Those who have gone before and many who are present have helped us to reach where we are now. If we forget them, we will be like those who climb a ladder and then kick it away. We may have reached the top, but we have no way of getting back to the ground that nurtured us.

People are more likely to kick away the ladder when they feel ashamed of whom they are. Sometimes people are ashamed of what their parents did to help them succeed. For example, if someone is a doctor, he may be ashamed of his mother who cleaned people’s floors, washed people’s clothes, and sold goods in the market to pay for his schooling. Those who are still at the bottom of the ladder may think others arrive at the top by magic. However, if the doctor would admit to the ladder, he could show others how they could improve their lives even if they are poor now. Worse still, the doctor may find that his children learn the lesson of disloyalty only too well.

Blanche K Bruce was the first African American senator to complete a full term. He was light-skinned, and he married a woman who was even lighter-skinned. He was the first African American whose signature showed on US currency. When the US government honored him in 2002, there were virtually none of his descendants to celebrate his achievements. Over time, they had passed for white. With the ladder to Bruce kicked away, almost none of his family was aware of or could admit to being Black.

Just as some of us want to forget we were every poor or Black, some of us forget we were young. For example, we may criticize the young for their styles, forgetting the styles we wore no matter how hard our parents objected. Some of us may indeed have worn these styles because our parents objected. Yesterday’s parents were perhaps as outraged by sons who wore earrings as are today’s parents by sons who wear braided hair. Today’s skimpy skirts may well offend those who forget the micro-minis they wore in the 1960s. If generations kick away the ladder, elders are sidelined and young people miss out on the benefits of learning from their elders.

Rich and poor, Black and white, young and old all have much to learn and to teach each other. Let’s work at keeping the ladders standing upright. If the ladders happen to fall, let’s work together to get them back up again.

Blessings,

Your shangazi Nothango (Yvonne)